March 2005 Archives

It was time to entertain in the Mad Oilman house. With the Flesh Off being postponed, Mad Oilman's need to make tasty food for friends was denied. This will make up for it. But what to make?

I had just made an excellent broccoli recipe from a magazine. It involved prosciutto. I wanted to serve this as a side. So I decided to create an entire menu with prosciutto as an ingredient in each. Pulling out the various cookbooks in the Mad Oilman arsenal, the menu was settled upon in less than ten minutes.

Appetizer/Salad

Prosciutto San Danielle with Apple Salad
From Mario Batali's 'Simple Italian Cooking', this is a very simple yet amazing combination of flavors. A salad of three types of apples cut into matchsticks, thinly sliced radicchio, olive oil, red wine vinegar and poppy seeds. Served on a bed of San Danielle prosciutto.

Entree

Prosciutto Wrapped Roast Loin of Beef
From Jamie Oliver's 'The Naked Chef Takes Off', this is an interesting recipe. Take a 2 pound or so beef tenderloin, roll it in fresh herbs, then wrap it in prosciutto and porcini mushrooms. My guests willbe guinea pigs on this one as I've never made this recipe.

Vegetable

Broccoli con Prosciutto al Forno
From The March 2005 issue of 'Tastes of Italia' this was made last weekend for the first time. Broccoli blanched, basted with butter and chicken broth, dusted with a bit of nutmeg and a large bit of Parmigianno Reggiano, and blanketed with prosciutto. Baked.

Starch

Risotto Milanese con Prosciutto
Standard issue (f there is such a thing) Risotto Milanese but finished with ribbons of prosciutto.

Menu complete it's off to Central Market. As it it 10 am on Saturday morning, Mrs. Oilman thought it might be fairly quiet. Unlike the usual mayhem that Central Market is on the weekends. Well no such luck. Seems it was tourist season (really). It was a struggle to get through but we clawed and scraped our way through the store, smashing carts, removing obstacles in our path despite the malignant stares of the obstructors. 'This may be your adult Disneyland but this is my weekend grocery store. Dammit! Begone suburbanites! I banish you to Foodtown!'

Back home time to get busy.

Step One. Roll that beautiful piece of beef in a couple handfuls of thyme and rosemary. With some salt and pepper for good measure. (and yes, the beautiful piece of beef in its natural glory should be Step One. Or at least Image One. But Mad Oilman was lost in the prep work and forgot to document until this image. What do you expect from an amateur?)

Next up is laying out the prosciutto wrapper. That's about 18 slices of prosciutto.

Now for the mushrooms. Dried porcini mushrooms reconstituted and sautéed with butter and garlic. For good measure, add some more butter when they are finished to create a smooth rich mixture. This part smells really good

Action Shot! Mad Oilman spreads his mushroom mixture across the prosciutto blanket.

Mushrooms distributed. Yes it looks like there are more on one side than the other. The filet tapers. As the meat gets wider, so do the mushrooms. Mad Oilman may be an amateur but he has a bit of snap.

Meat in position. Now comes the fun part. Rolling.

Action Shot! Rolling in its initial stages. Since this was the first attempt at this process, the learning curve was steep. Cookbooks and recipes can only take you so far. You're on your own for the rest.

Action Shot! Rolling nearing completion. The thinness of the prosciutto really makes this a challenge.

Finished! Now it's time to transfer this beast to the roasting pan.

In the pan. Porcelain. Been a winner for a while. The roast is a bit of a tight fit but this is the biggest pan in the Mad Oilman collection.

Action Shot! Slicing up apples for the salad. Unfortunately there is not a finished product photo of this most delicious salad.

Intermission

By now the guests have arrived. Most of the heavy lifting has concluded, dishes just need to be finished. Good conversation and it's time to serve the salad. Roast in the oven, risotto stopped at the near moment of completion and the broccoli prepped and ready to hit the oven. Mad Oilman plates the salad and joins his friends for this fine first course. Of course the oven timer rings in an instant although 20 minutes have passed. Excusing myself, Mad Oilman goes to the kitchen to add the two cups of wine to the roast. Oven door opened and the smell is incredible. With space to spare, Mad Oilman begins pouring wine into the roasting pan. And now for a physics lesson.

Hot ceramic pan. Room temperature wine. Roast acting as a dam across the pan. Temperature gradient. Big one.

I start to hear pops and watch the cracks fly across the pan. Sensing imminent failure, Mad Oilman poured the remaining wine on the other side of the meat dam to stop the cracking. But it was too late. The end of the pan fell off. Completely.

Of course, when it fell off there were two cups of wine in that pan. Well now there's two cups of wine on the bottom of a 450 degree oven. The initial superheated vapor blast pushed me back. But Mad Oilman was not backing down. He was going to save this dish.

With smoke now pouring out of the oven (and in a kitchen with no vent), the entire room became quite smoky. Wanting to rescue this meal while simultaneously trying to avoid a kitchen fire, Mad Oilman successfully pulled the stricken pan from the oven and transferred the meat to a cookie sheet. And promptly added 2 cups of wine into the sheet. Grace under pressure.

Windows and back door open to create a cross flow, smoke began pouring out of the windows. Good. Fire hazard now gone. Situation under control, Mad Oilman returned to finish his salad. And share his tale of disaster averted.

Dishes completed it's time to plate.

Here's the broccoli. In one of those 'How the hell did that picture happen with a digital camera?' shots. Just weird but also very cool.

Risotto Milanese con Prosciutto, complete and ready to serve.

Finished roast resting, begging to be carved (patience......)

End result. Perfect rare-medium rare (camera flash pushes the image to medium. t'ain't so).

As plated. The wine and drippings from the pan turned into an amazingly light yet flavorful gravy. Needless to say there wasn't a lot of anything left at the end of this meal.

All in all, the Prosciutto Menu was a success. And it's not every day you can create an instant massive smokescreen in your kitchen without your guests really knowing and without burning the kitchen down.

Spud Mud

The driling fluid used in the initial driling of the well. Has nothing to do with potatoes.Rolls off of the tounge pleasingly.

A tradition in the Mad Oilman household is to avoid commercials. Give the multitude of channels on cable, this is fairly easy. The addition of digital cable and all of the (blessedly) commercial free music channels made this task quite easy. At the break to commercial, Mad Oilman goes straight to the Metal channel. Name that tune. Moving through the next multiple channels, this game goes on just past the 70' station into Solid Gold Oldies. After the run it's back to the main show. Since this game starts on the Metal channel, it is creatively called Metal.

Metal seems to fill the time of every comercial break perfectly. Each participant brings their own talents to the game. Beating them on their specialties is most gratifying.

This evening I was playing Metal with the Mrs. Doing pretty good. Nailed most of the rock stuff. Also nailed Spandau Ballet which is embarrasing. But not nearly as embarrassing as a major gaff by Mad Oilman. On the Retroactive channel, I heard hard low slow rock. Shouted 'Danzig' immediately. Mrs. Oilman, having already given up laughed out loud. Turns out it was Adam and the Ants. Seriously. And they sounded like Danzig. 1980 album and obviously a video never made. A direction discarded.

And before this moment I couldn't think of any way possible to include Adam and the Ants and Danzig in the same sentece. Well there you go.

Mad Oilman heard some fine angry music Saturday past. Saw a video for the band Seemless. Late night Saturday. The continuous screams of 'Hell YEAH!" as the video played awoke Ms. Oilman. She groggily understood the power of the Rock and excused my late night ill behavior.

Of course, the journey to the local Soundwaves provides one of the true treasures I am searching for. Seemless is one ( I bought the one copy they had). New Queens of the Stone Age is unavailable. Dammit.

Thursday and Mad Oilman is looking forward to his Good Friday off. Range time. Go out with the wife and she experiences the full glory of Seemless. I tell he I think I can play my favorite song on this album with ease. Mad Oilman has not picked up a guitar in a year.

Get home from good meal and put the disc in. Playing a Strat acoustic (no amp) I realize I need to tune down. A lot. Initial pass, I get a feel for the record. Lock the guitar into tune.

Ms. Oilman is amazed. She can read music but she cannot play by ear. Mad Oilman plays by ear and cannot read music. I heard the song I loved and over the course of a few days knew exatly how to play that tune. Amps and electronics are the only barrier to perfect duplication. Pick up the guitar and within five minutes have it nailed.

And here is the dichotomy. She can read and play. But she cannot assemble a song to memory. I hear (basic rock &roll/metal) and I can recereate it with ease. I am not formally trained and it seems I may have perfect pitch. She is a technician. I think we'll figure it out.

My how time flies! Here it is March 15th, the Third Annual International Eat An Animal for PETA Day!

Reminded of this holiday (which is fast becoming an annual tradition in the Mad Oilman Household) by the banner at Laurence's Site, Mad Oilman was tempted to visit the Ragin' Cajun for group festivities, but it just, well, didn't seem enough.

Brainstorming a menu at the office while conducting Mad Oilman international business, a plan was quickly settled upon. There must be animal flesh in every dish served. That was the easy part. The concept. Making it work took a bit more thought. Well, not really.

Main course? Has to be veal, kid goat or suckling pig. Since veal is most readily available it is chosen first. Some kind of veal dish. Veal rolled with prosciutto and sage. Skewered on sticks with pancetta. Yeah, that'll do it.

Animals: 2 (veal, pork)
Forms of Animals: 3 (veal scaloppini, prosciutto, pancetta)

Starch? Mad Oilman has several wonderful meat/starch recipes but they are not convenient on a weeknight. How about risotto? With homemade venison and wild boar stock as the base instead of standard issue chicken stock. Excellent.

Animals: 4 (veal, pork, venison, wild boar)
Forms of Animals: 5 (veal scaloppini, prosciutto, pancetta, venison stock, wild boar stock)

And no, pork and wild boar are not the same. Not even close.

Oh, and the stocks? Homemade. From freshly killed, freshly butchered wild boar and deer. Yes this takes time and effort. Worth every moment.

Vegetable? OK, here's the tough one. My menu is on an Italian path and I'm limited in recipe knowledge for vegetable dishes with meat. Limited to one. Brussel Sprouts with pancetta. And for all of you cringing on Brussel Sprouts, this dish will convert anyone.

Final Count:
Animals: 4 (veal, pork, venison, wild boar)
Forms of Animals: 5 (veal scaloppini, prosciutto, pancetta, venison stock, wild boar stock)

Now that's a proper celebration of the holiday. Rendering and assembly photos follow:

Assembling of the veal rolls.

Prosciutto Manipulation

Skewering with Pancetta

Of course with al of this hard work, Mad Oilman requires chef sauce. In keeping with our animal consumption theme, Mad Oilman chose wines with animals on the labels. Seems only fitting. For prep and cooking, a light Vino Verde:

For the meal, a bit of a more sophisticated Barolo:

And yes, dammit, there's an animal on the label:

Meal is coming together. Four burner action. The Silver Surfer provides Quality Control duties.

No comment necessary, really.

As plated. Yes, the Mad Oilman can make the fancy plate but family style seemed better for this meal.

Postscript:

Meal concluded, a wonderful benevolent aura of wellness surround Mad Oilman and the Mrs. A sucesful IEAPD indeed. May next year be better than this one.

It was with great sadness that Mad Oilman was forced to retire Mercury, his Kimber Ultra Carry II in stainless. Mad Oilman purchased this much heralded firearm with the sole intention of learning it, breaking it in, and obtaining his Concealed Carry License.

The Kimber manual indicated a 500 round break in period. It did not mention repeated jams and failure to chamber certain rounds. Fighting through the break in period, I managed to put over 1500 rounds through this gun over the course of a year. And during the course of this experiment, Mad Oilman did not have ONE jam free or failure to feed session. jammed.

Magazine issues you say! Bought a Wilson Combat magazine to test this case. Same problem. Jams, failure to feed with certain ammo, and failure to feed the last round of the magazine. Tried other magazines at the range. Didn't matter. Needless to say, EVERYONE who saw this performance or swapped magazines with Mad Oilman and saw the results are less than impressed with the Kimber Ultra Carry II.

As I can't fathom going to a concealed carry class with a firearm that is, for the most part a turd, I replaced it. Went to Collector's Firearms and spent a bit of time with a young but knowledgeable employee. I had him pull out the minimum .40 S&W calibers in medium frames for a variety of manufacturers. CZ, SIG, Glock, Ruger, Springfield, H&K. Wasn't interested in a 1911 clone given my recent problems. Price was a factor, but so was function, and most importantly fit. At the end of the survey, the HK USP Compact was the winner. It just felt the best in my hand. And had all of the features to boot.

Went to the range last week to test it. Six different rounds, three cheapie metal jackets of various bullet weights. Three JHP rounds of various bullet weights. Guess what? No jams. No failure to feeds. Final test was a random magazine of a sampling of each of my various choices for ammo. Kept putting them where I aimed. How about that.

Kimber experiment is over. Probably need to replace the recoil springs to be fair to the person this firearm ends up with, but once it's replaced, its out of here.

The 1911 experiment was interesting. Not saying it is over. But the decocking lever and DA/SA trigger have impressed Mad Oilman.

Ah, Flesh Off. If memory serves, this is a Festival of the Carnivore. Of succulent musculature expertly rendered from once living creatures. So many creatures, so many recipes.

Preparation and presentation are on display, respecting the noble creature under the knife while crushing our opponents with the meagerness of their offerings.

Chef H is a Master with an intimidating presence. His skill is known to all as his victories show. But he has grown lazy and arrogant. Flesh will be his downfall.

At one with the Flesh, Mad Oilman will sink his talons into Flesh and with wings unfolded take Flesh to lofty heights unknown.

When asked about his chances, Mad Oilman responded "I am Confident. I will Do My Best."

Musical accompaniment by either Judas Priest (Bringing the Goods, which I will) or Lamb of God (Song 6 on the CD. Lamb, flesh, need I say more?). A game time decision.