Well its Mad Oilman's birthday and the Mrs. sets up a fabulous birthday meal. At Mark's American Cuisine, a highly regarded restaurant which we have never visited.
Arriving 5 minutes early for our 7:00 reservation, we are quickly seated at one of the worst tables in the restaurant. A two seater backing the hallway between this room and the main room. So much for a reservation three weeks in advance. Seems that was meaningless.
Our waiter arrives and we choose a fine bottle of wine. A Seghesio Barolo, 2000. This is a special occasion.
Menus arrive. The standard menu as well as a chefs menu for the day. Our waiter then told us about the specials of the day. All seven of them (appetizers and entrées).
Listening to the specials before we have even glanced at the menus, we dove in to the treasures within. And completely forgot about the specials. Our intrepid waiter returns and we ask him to recite the litany of specials once again. He does, yet he forgets one which Mrs. Oilman immediately points out. Isn't there a duck special as well?
Our waiter quickly remembered and recited that special.
Now it is decision time. I choose the garden salad, the cask smoked Scottish Salmon with caviar, and the Kobe beef platter for my menu.
Mrs. Oilman chooses everything from the Chef's menu. Oysters to start, a pear and greens salad, and a softshell crab entrée.
First course is delivered within seconds of our waiter leaving. My salad is wonderful and expertly dressed. Mrs. Oilman receives a soup which she enjoys immensely.
Before we could say uncle our plates were cleared and the second course delivered. It is obvious they are trying to turn tables. So much for a pleasurable dining experience. They turn tables at Friday's and Chili's too.
Second course arrives. House smoked salmon for me, oysters for Mrs. Oilman.
The salmon was ridiculously good. And the caviar. My goodness. I've had caviar before and they were little salt bombs. This was a whole new world. Exquisite.
The Mrs. receives her oysters. And realizes this is the appetizer she ordered as her first course. A salad was her second course. Our waiter has screwed up our order. Our opinion of Mark's is starting to deflate a bit.
Before our second courses are completed the vultures arrive to take our plates. The traffic behind my wife is amazing. Wait staff hovering, antsy, looking for a plate to clear. The traffic is just ridiculous. The table turning antics even more so.
As soon as the second course plates are cleared, guess what? The entrées appear within thirty seconds. This is the fastest turn at a fine dining establishment I have ever been party to. They really want us to give them our money and leave. As fast as they can make it happen.
The Kobe beef platter. Three cuts. Flank steak, short ribs and sirloin. Flank steak was a joke. I ordered the platter medium rare. The flank steak was well done. A rude joke. Next it is on to the sirloin. I should not have to use a knife to cut Kobe beef. I did for this. Although well marbled, this particular cut was nothing special. The short ribs were an embarrassment. Ibiza's short ribs crush these. As do Restaurant 17's. As do my own (from the Craft cookbook). Granted there were lots of sauces on the dish. But with Kobe, meat comes first and sauce second. In this dish sauce came in second and meat came in third (there was no first place finish).
Entrées are again whisked away in record speed as the vultures hovering around my wife's table descend. Were but 75 minutes into our meal. We have a third of a bottle of wine left, and we've been through three very rushed courses.
Dessert. Mrs. Oilman asks for the special and I ask for a special on their own menu. They have a lemon cake on the menu. Sounds good. Theirs is served with a mouse, candied zest, berries, and meringue. I just want cake. Simple request, right? The waiter said no twice. At that point I told him I didn't want anything. He relented and brought out what I wanted (only because it was my birthday and he knew that). It was exactly as I expected. Damn good lemon cake without the garnish I had no need for.
So there you go. One of the best-rated restaurants in town. With a three week reservation seated us at the worst table in the restaurant. Screwed up our order. Food was brilliant at times and a joke at others. The only way they could have moved our table faster would be to have a group of waiters surround our table and stare at us as we ate. It was that bad.
As we leave I hand my ticket to the valet. He pulled the car up but did not open the door for my wife. Nor did the two other valets nearby. Bush league service.
Final Review. Huge reputation. Extremely poor execution on service, and marginal (given the prices) acceptance on food. DaMarco's is just up the street. And from my experience it crushes Mark's. Crushes it.
